things ive noticed about the signs // harsh advice
aries: they’re just here for the fun of it. fucking hilarious, but usually in their own way, so they’re funny to just themselves and their close friends. wants to be more independent than they are. good drivers. extremely adept at overcoming life’s bullshit, mainly because they do not have time for this. // learn how to own up to the shitty things you do everyone is sick and tired of calling you out just apologize and be done with it
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taurus: able to adapt to new environments. hard workers. good at everything they try. not always trusting of or open to new friends, but when they care about someone, steadfast doesn’t even begin to cover it. they aren’t going anywhere. // i swear to fucking christ if i catch you shit talking yourself one more time im gonna punch you in the throat(in a friendly loving way)
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gemini: whether they’re an introvert or an extrovert, they know how to talk to people and make friends easily. 95% of people have a crush on them at some point solely for their magnetic personality. is a giant fucking loser but somehow pulls it off. makes good grilled cheese sandwiches. doesn’t really want to be the team leader, as they have a better view from the back, but they’re pretty good leaders. // if you make one more shitty pun im going to check you into a wall
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cancer: fluid personality, often shifting quickly from sensitive to uncaring. they want to feel safe, whether this is emotionally, romantically, or financially. they love surprising people with gifts. they have a laugh that you can never forget. open about their feelings. if they love you, you will know. smarter than they’re given credit for. // for the last time, your day was not ruined because you stubbed your toe please calm down and quit crying
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leo: they soak up all the attention within a 5 mile radius of wherever they happen to be standing. they want to succeed and be recognized for their achievements, but they would never think of dragging anyone down with them. positive and creative thinkers. persistent. weirdly flexible. natural leaders. when they speak, people listen, partially out of respect but also because leos are naturally likable. // QUIT YELLING AT PEOPLE WHO ARE DOING THEIR BEST!!!step in someone else’s shoes for fucking once, goddamn
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virgo: contrary to popular belief, not actually that excited about school. their room is generally a mess but like, theres one part of it that always has to be clean. they like to make friends, they like to be liked, but they know when thats not an option, and they will not hesitate to cut someone off to protect themselves. if you’re a virgo with a resting bitch face, i am so sorry and i understand. me too. // WHY DO U DO THAT THING WHERE U THINK UR BETTER THAN EVERYONE???U AINT BITCH THE FUCK
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libra: ambitious. sometimes seen as shallow but theres often a lot more hidden under the surface. charming when they want to be. one of the funniest people you know, but you dont realize it until they’re mad at you. also, their anger is terrifying so watch your back. if they make a mistake, please just forgive them, because chances are they’re beating themselves up about it. like a lot. make great brownies. // YOU GET PISSY ABOUT THE LITTLEST THINGS. SHUT UP
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scorpio: love making other people happy. sometimes manipulative, but a lot of times by accident. spend all of their energy worrying about others, but never themselves, and then some. loyal to the last breath. weirdly good at dancing. always a little but confused about whats going on but pretends to know whats going on so they look smarter. compassionate. they love new beginnings, clean slates, and fresh starts. // stop dancing around what you wanna say and fuckin SAY IT
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sagittarius: adventurous. just because they’re quiet doesn’t mean they’re shy. bad at listening to others sometimes, but they’re doing their best, really. curious. not bothered by a lot. probably would marry a good glass of chocolate milk. tries to be optimistic in most situations, but if they start crying just let them get it out okay they need a good solid cry rn. big hearts. sometimes nosey. want to make a difference in the world and to the people around them. // i have called your name three times you piece of shit PAY ATTENTION STOP ZONING OUT THIS IS IMPORTANT
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capricorn: witty and self-depricating. loyal friends but bad at texting back. they dont shit talk people often, but when they do, its because that person is really, really awful. probably a fucking weeb. if they aren’t, then they’re a furry. if they aren’t either of those, then they’re lying. down to earth(literally, they’re an earth sign). they will kick your ass at cards against humanity. accept that they are funnier than you and move on. great hair. // you’re a passive aggressive little shit and you know it
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aquarius: independent. talk when they’re nervous. excellent liars, but also brutally honest. alien fuckers. EXTREMELY perceptive, often seeing things you didn’t want them to, or that you thought you had hidden well. organized. probably runs an aesthetic blog. the only people that can lie to them are themselves. hate feeling dragged down by others. // QUIT FUCKING COMPLAINING ABOUT TINY SHIT LIKE PEOPLE NOT GOING FAST ENOUGH WHEN THE LIGHT TURNS GREEN!!!!SOME PEOPLE ARENT ALWAYS HAVING A GOOD DAY OKAY
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pieces: resilient. always wants to stay busy. honestly some of the sweetest people ive ever met, occasionally a bit misunderstood. obsessive. emotional, which sometimes pulls them in confusing directions. determined to get what they want. the supportive friend that just needs a hug. whatever skills they have, they’re just naturally talented. tries to be mysterious, usually ends up tripping over their own feet. // you’re some of the worst procrastinators of all time get your shit together buddy
